Check this in the New Yorker: AMY OZOL TO TIMOTHY
I do sympathise with people in flights who are not travelling with kids and land in close proximity of other people’s kids, but this one goes to the extreme .
“Ahem, i’m going to have a glass of wine and take a nap please, and the rest of the world can you stand by in case I need you”, kind of attitude, that kind of irked me, so I had to write this. Read on…
I’m sorry, but you are okay if I call you that? Or maybe I will call you “evil witch”. Your face looks like the long, thin, angry face of the witch in my Roald dahl witch book. Are you going to a witches convention like in the book, and your nice straight hair is actually a wig and you are patchily bald underneath? Yugghhh…
Why do you sit so stiffly in your seat? Has somebody glued you onto the seat? I am wondering. But anyhow, I dont understand whats that swirly drink that looks like its made of mud? Here – have some juice – what happenned? why did you remove your leg in fright – i only put the juice box on it? and why are you furiously rubbing the tissue on the spot where i just kept the juice box? WEIRDO.
Are you enjoying the paper you are reading, the one with those pictures of straight lines that do strangely up and down, as much as I am enjoying Madagascar? I really love this.. Ha ha ha.. look at those guys dancing.. go go go… what?? i shouldnt dance on my seat? WHY? its so much fun.
Okay, if you dont like to watch the cartoon, then how about playing with my doll? why are you staring and frowning at the little black thing in your hand ( i know it is a mobile phone, dont think i’m not smart)? My doll talks a lot… does that black thing talk?
You are feeling sleepy? Why? Don’t you sleep at night, like me? I play a lot and then i sleep a lot too. But this is not my nap time, it is my play time.
What are you going to do when you reach XX? I am going to meet my cousins at the beach, and then play with them for 2 weeks because they are having summer holidays? What? You are going to a beach too? But then, why aren’t you glad about it? Oh. wait a bit. i like this part, dont disturb me.
Tra la la .. hum hum.. swing swing..
WITCH… dont pinch me.. !!!